We Slip And Slide As We Fall In Love
by thelilacfield
Summary: He can't keep this up, not when the mask has been set for two years now and every day he's desperate to let it fade into nothingness, to be himself and revel in freedom. But he can't. He has to present himself as the epitome of a masculine, mainstream straight guy.
1. One

**Pairing:** Kurt/Blaine, Kurt/Rachel

**Rating:** NC-17/M

**Story Warnings/Kinks/Tropes: **Closeted!Kurt, inexperience, infidelity, angst

**A/N: **Title taken from _Just Can't Get Enough_ - Glee Cast.

* * *

As Kurt turns into Rachel's street, coming to a halt outside her house and glancing at her pointedly, Rachel's hand creeps over onto his thigh, her smile sultry as she glances up from beneath her lashes. "Come inside," she says, her very tone suggestive. "My dads are working and my brother won't be home until six, six thirty if I ask him to pick up dinner. We'll have the house all," she kisses his neck, "to," her lips move up to his jaw, her hand on the back of his neck turning him to face her, "ourselves." She kisses him, freshly-applied lipgloss sliding slickly over his lips, her fingers tugging at the hair at the base of his neck, little pinpricks of pain as strands break free, caught on her nails.

"I can't, Rach, I have a shift at the shop and Friday night dinner, maybe another time," Kurt says, pushing slightly at her hip, hoping to get her to move. Instead she folds her arms across her chest and juts out her lower lip, eyes big and pleading. "Rachel, I'm not coming inside."

"You always say 'maybe another time'," Rachel whines, tossing her hair over her shoulder and narrowing her eyes dangerously. "Why can't today be that time, Kurt? Am I doing something wrong? Is it me? if you want to break up with me, do it now, instead of keeping me hanging on a string hoping today might finally be the day you want to come inside my house for the first time since we started dating! Yes, making out in the back seat of your car is very nice, if small, but whenever we try to do anything at your house one of your parents or Finn interrupts and I just want everything with you, Kurt." She threads her fingers through his, smiles, and for a moment Kurt wants to tell her the truth, let out the secret that scalds his insides whenever he kisses her, adjusts his voice, bypasses the bright and bold clothes in stores or joins in discussions about how hot various surrounding girls are.

But then he thinks about solem reporters and newspaper headlines, of the terrified people who end it all rather than face the pain another day, of the ones who die at the hands of those who think the only way to be is theirs, and he chokes on the words, acidic and crawling in his throat. "Rachel, this, us, it's serious," he says gently, stroking a thumb over her cheek and down her neck, catching at the corner of her sad mouth. "And I want to be completely sure that I," he kisses her forehead sweetly, "am head over heels in love with you before we take that step. I don't want it to wreck what we have, so I want to wait until I'm ready."

Rachel sighs softly, her breath gusting warm against his lips, and smiles softly, lips pink and shiny and eyes softened by love. "You are the sweetest guy I know, and I'm so lucky that you picked me out of those crowds," she says softly. "I know I don't look like the cheerleaders, like Brittany or Santana-"

Kurt isn't lying when he cuts in, "Rachel, you're beautiful."

She grins, bright and beaming, and says, "And you are the cutest guy at McKinley, and I love you more than anything. So I respect your feelings about physical intimacy and I'll keep on waiting for you." She leans up, lips brushing his ear, and whispers, "But I hope you know what you're missing," before she darts a kiss to his cheek and climbs out of the car, waving goodbye before sauntering up the driveway, an obvious extra sway in her hips.

Kurt waits until her front door swings shut before he lets his head thunk forward against his steering wheel. He can't keep this up, not when the mask has been set for two years now and every day he's desperate to let it fade into nothingness, to be himself and revel in freedom. But he can't. He has to present himself as the epitome of a masculine, mainstream straight guy, make singing and dancing something other boys around him aspire to, so it won't seem so odd when he applies to NYADA, inevitably gets in and makes it to New York. Only then can he let Rachel down gently and be who he really is.

Rachel would never forgive him if he dropped her now, and he'd lose the best friend he's ever had. She doesn't think it's odd that he prefers to hang out with her and the girls instead of the guys as much as possible, she sings with him and lets him teach her the chords to her favourite songs, never knowing he shares her thrill with them, she brings him soup and medicine when he's sick and earnestly plans their future together. Of course, she doesn't know they'll be facing that future as friends, rather than the power couple of McKinley high, already voted most likely to win Prom King and Queen, to get married, to start a family, to live life together.

He loves her. He truly does, he loves her beauty and her intelligence and her wit, every quirk of her personality, the way she chastised him for months until he started styling his hair the way she'd been nagging him to, the way she fits when he hugs her, the weight of her head on his shoulder when they're watching a movie or studying together. But as a friend, not as the great romantic heroine of the love story he pretends they are. They're not a novel, they're a blip in the narrative, something thrown hastily in to shock the reader, something that will ultimately fall apart to assist the big climax where one finds their happy ending.

The question is which one of them will find their true soulmate? Will it be Rachel, with a boy at McKinley who isn't hiding everything behind a lowered voice and bad jokes about boobs? Or will it be him, with some unknown boy who'll bring everything he hides to the surface and still love him despite his secrets, kiss him goodnight without the stomach-churning panic of being caught, bring him flowers and leave loving messages in his locker and text him in class despite a teacher's disapproving stare?

* * *

It may have taken a lot to persuade Santana to not accompany him on his trip to search out the competition at Dalton - including a promise of dinner at Breadstix as long as she keeps her hands above the table - but it was worth it. He's alone in Dalton, surrounded by the students rushing to and form classes, by handsome boys in neat uniform and he doesn't know where to look, feeling giddy with delight, around people who don't know him, in a place where he can be himself.

Looking around, he catches the eye of a boy with dark hair, shoulders broad and waist slender beneath his blazer, and slinks through the crowd towards him, smiling at him. "Hi," he says, deliberately breathy, and the boy grins, a slight blush colouring his cheeks. "See, I'm thinking about transferring to a school with people who might understand me better, and I was wondering if you could show me around?"

"I'd love to," the boy says, and holds out a hand. "My name's Blaine Anderson." He looks a little stunned in his smile, and says, "I don't mean to pry but did it hurt?" Kurt knows it's coming as Blaine grins, eyes glinting with mischief, and adds, "When you fell from heaven." Kurt shoves playfully at him, and almost sighs in contentment when Blaine's arm loops easily through his and he says, "In all seriousness, you are gorgeous. Where'd you come from, Carmel?"

"McKinley, actually," Kurt corrects. "They don't make them like Kurt Hummel anywhere else." He knows he's being smug, but he can't help but preen under Blaine's attentions, his eyes drifting over Kurt's chest and waist and hips, and once darting lower.

"That they don't," Blaine agrees, and pauses in an alcove, drawing Kurt close, so close Kurt thinks for a dizzying second that Blaine might kiss him. "Listen, if you do transfer here, I hope you'll think about joining the Warblers. You'd be my ideal duet partner."

Flushing, giggling, Kurt tries to get over the obvious innuendo in Blaine's words and yanks his phone out of his pocket, pressing it into Blaine's hands. Grinning, Blaine inputs his number and hands it back, and Kurt can't help the thrill that shoots through him when Blaine's eyes glow as he receives Kurt's requisite _Hey this is Kurt :)_ text. There's nothing quite like flirting with a handsome boy who is clearly interested in him. "I hope I'll see you again soon," he says, and then kicks himself. It sounds so stilted and awkward, not flirty like he wanted.

"I'll make sure of it," Blaine assures him, and that, right there, that is flirting. "But until then..." He pulls a neat rectangle of paper out of his satchel and presses it into Kurt's hands, "keep that under your pillow to remember me by." Turning it over, Kurt laughs aloud when he finds a handsome school portrait of Blaine smiling up at him, sliding the shiny, stiff paper carefully into his bag before Blaine's hand slides into his and he tugs Kurt after him, into the grand Dalton choir room.

And Kurt sits on the arm of a couch, swooning and blushing, as Blaine leads the uniformed acappella group on _Teenage_ Dream, his eyes shining right at Kurt and his lips curving up in a smirk as he tries to tempt Kurt into giving in and going upstairs with him, letting this gorgeous boy strip him down and kiss the breath from his lungs, ready to give him everything he doesn't want to give Rachel despite how little time they've known each other.

This, being allowed to look and appreciate and flirt, is what he's always wanted, the feeling of freedom and flirtatiousness and joy, being a teenager with someone he finds profoundly attractive. Of course, the simple flirting isn't quite as good as having Blaine panting against his neck and his hands up the back of Kurt's shirt in the front seat of his car, the gearshift digging painfully into his thigh as Blaine's tongue traces over his neck, Kurt's fingers flexing on his shoulders.

"You should know," Blaine gasps hoarsely into Kurt's jaw, lips moving hungrily through the slight prickle of Kurt's stubble, "that I wouldn't usually do this. I'd get to know you, but you're just so...ugh _Kurt_." Grinning, Kurt kneads at Blaine's hips, drawing him into his lap and melding their mouths together. "I should go," Blaine says regretfully when they part again, both breathing heavily, hips kept carefully apart, gazing into each other's dark eyes. "There's a schedule and if I'm not back in for dinner they'll call my parents, and I really don't want to explain why I was in the car of someone I barely knew making out with them."

Kurt releases Blaine reluctantly, lowering his window so Blaine can bend over and kiss him again, sliding his tongue hungrily into Blaine's mouth. "Do you want me to climb back in there and stay with you for the rest of the day?"

"Yes," Kurt flirts easily, and Blaine laughs and grins, eyes shining as he kisses Kurt once more before he disappears into the school. Slumping down in his seat, Kurt sighs softly and ghosts a hand over his swollen lips, glancing down at his erection, obvious in his shorts. Cupping a hand over himself, he relives every second of Blaine, his soft breathy noises and his eager lips and his trembling thighs and his hips squirming and his hands shoved all the way up the back of Kurt's shirt, feeling at his shoulder blades. His heart starts and stops and stutters and he lets out a moan that echoes around his car as he comes, soaking the front of his shirts, a dark stain spreading across the fabric.

His head is still fuzzy when his phone buzzes twice in a row, two texts on top of each other, making the sudden weight of what he's done drop heavily down on top of him.

**From: Blaine  
5:13pm  
Thinking of you ;)  
[1 picture attached]**

**From: Rachel**  
**5:13pm**  
**Hey, why weren't you answering my calls? Are you on for a double date with Sam and Quinn on Friday? Breadstix, Quinn's treat :) xo**


	2. Two

**Pairing:** Kurt/Blaine, Kurt/Rachel

**Rating:** NC-17/M

**Story Warnings/Kinks/Tropes: **Closeted!Kurt, inexperience, infidelity, angst

**A/N: **Title taken from _Just Can't Get Enough_ - Glee Cast

* * *

Though Kurt tries to pretend nothing happened, that he's still the same person he was when he went to spy on Dalton, he knows inside that he's different now. Meeting Blaine opened up a part of himself he wasn't aware of - the part that wants sex, craves the idea of Blaine above or below him, thinks constantly of how Blaine might look beneath his put-together uniform, if Kurt can only get his hands under that shirt and feel his skin. Rachel is thrilled with how much more demonstrative he is towards her, out of his guilt at making out with Blaine, kissing her when he meets her in the morning and staying on the phone long into the night, letting her talk more about the possibility of sex while he thinks of Blaine.

Blaine texts him almost constantly, as much as possible, their conversation dipping into every topic, including the possibility of them meeting up again to become more closely acquainted with each other's bodies. Sometimes Kurt is woken in the dead of night by his phone trilling out an alert, scrabbling groggily through the murky darkness to switch his screen on and find a new picture of Blaine in his inbox, half-naked and half-hard, a lazy, sexy smile on his lips, and Kurt rolls over and groans into his pillow, feeling ashamed of himself when he saves the pictures and sometimes sends his own. It's crazy, but he thinks he might be falling for Blaine, not just for his body, but for his laugh and his voice and his jokes and the way he talks, his eloquence when he compliments Kurt and the way his eyes glitter.

It's definitely out of guilt that Kurt finally agrees to meet Rachel's family one Friday night after school, and she's so thrilled it's worth the risk of her thinking it's more serious that it is, of him having to break her overly-attached heart when he inevitably tells her the truth. One day, he will tell her about what happened with Blaine, but right now the thought of losing his best friend and having to watch her heart break and her eyes fill with tears makes him sick, so he puts it aside and promises himself he will. Instead of being truthful with his girlfriend, he puts on his best shirt and a bright red tie to match the dress swirling prettily around Rachel's legs when she welcomes him in, her shiny lips a matching scarlet as she stands on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, leaving a distinct red smear, vivid against his pale skin.

"Now, one brother couldn't make it tonight because he's filming," she says as Kurt hangs up his coat and hovers nervously in the hallway, hearing the sound of chatter. "Well, he's my half-brother, we have different moms, but my twin brother is here. And before you ask, we have different last names because he picked the one my dad, Leroy, had before he married my other dad, so there was some way to keep the line going. Cooper is Cooper Berry, after all, the Anderson name needs to carry on somehow."

To his credit, Blaine Anderson doesn't bat an eyelash when Kurt, drink in hand, walks into the dining room and nearly spits lemonade all over himself when he sees the Blaine he so recently made out with, the same boy he's been exchanging half-naked pictures and nearly-sexts with for several weeks, the boy he had no idea was his girlfriend's twin brother, sitting at the table with one of Rachel's dads, who immediately stands to shake Kurt's hand enthusiastically, grinning from ear to ear and talking very fast while Rachel blushes and squeals, "Dad, _don't_!" on the sidelines.

"And this is my twin brother, Blaine, who goes to Dalton and is the lead soloist for the glee club there," Rachel says proudly, ruffling Blaine's hair affectionately. Kurt stares at him, the way his curls fall around his face when they're not slicked down with gel, the way he doesn't falter as he stands with a charming smile and extends a hand to Kurt. That same hand has been on Kurt's skin, crawling under his clothes, he's imagined those fingers on him, in him, making him scream, and Kurt tries desperately not to blush as Rachel takes his hand and kisses him. "Thank you for coming tonight," she says softly. "I asked my other dad to go get some pizza, you wanted margherita, right?"

Nodding vaguely, Kurt watches as Blaine stands and leaves with a soft, "I have to go to the bathroom." A few minutes later, when Rachel is engrossed in telling her dad every second of the last year of their relationship, Kurt's phone beeps with a text from Blaine: _I'm in my room, second door on the right when you come up the stairs. Can we talk?_

"Excuse me for a second, babe," Kurt says, and Rachel smiles and nods, and he kisses her temple before he pushes his chair back and runs up the stairs, opening Blaine's door to find him already perched cross-legged on the bed, looking down at his hands clasped in his lap and chewing on his lip.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he asks softly, looking up at Kurt. "Didn't you know I'm Rachel's brother?" Kurt shakes his head, and Blaine looks down at his knees again. "She never really mentioned you by name. Not to me, at least. I knew she had a boyfriend she was head over heels for, and last week she tried to ask me how to persuade a guy to have sex with you, at least until I put my fingers in my ears and sang _Last Friday Night_ until she left me alone." His eyes are blazing with anger when he looks up again, voice cold as he asks, "Was I just your gay experiment? God, I'm so stupid, going after a straight guy who just wants to use me to get his rocks off and then humiliate me when I find out he's my sister's boyfriend and he doesn't care about me."

"No, Blaine, please don't angry, I wasn't experimenting," Kurt assures him, reaching for Blaine's hands, squeezing tighter when he tries to pull away. "I know who I am. I'm gay, but when I went to high school I decided I was sick of the bullying and pretended to be straight. Then Rachel asked me out and I thought people were starting to suspect so I agreed and we ended up this power couple and she's my best friend and I don't want to hurt her but I never expected what happened between us to happen and I had no idea you were her brother, I avoid this house like the plague because Rachel keeps pushing for sex and if she tries that she'll know I'm gay and her body doesn't turn me on at all."

"So you've been stringing my twin sister along for a year?" Blaine asks, quite suddenly the protective brother in every way. "Do you know what it would do to her if she found out I kissed you like that? She'd be so humiliated, why didn't you turn her down at the start instead of letting her fall in love with you?"

"I love her, I really do," Kurt says, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "I love her in a way halfway between friendship and relationship, and I can't really explain it. I like how soft and small she is and the way she fits in my arms, and I like that I can make her smile, and I like having someone care about me that much. But, at the end of the day, she's a girl and I'm gay, and I'm not sexually attracted to her, though she is beautiful." He kneels at Blaine's feet, massaging his thighs gently. "Blaine, if I'd had the slightest idea that you were siblings, I would never have flirted with you. But what happened between us wasn't chance. I know I thought you were special and we had a connection. Can we keep that?"

"Things like that...they don't just happen, Kurt," Blaine says quietly, looking up at Kurt with sad eyes. "Not to me. And I thought you were safe, that I could send you those pictures and those texts and relive our kisses every minute and fall for you, but it turns out you're faking straight and dating my sister and anything that happens between us would break her heart, and I already feel like I'm drowning in you." He sucks in a breath and says, in a rush, "You were my first kiss, Kurt."

"Oh my God." Kurt sits back on his heels, hands sliding from Blaine's thighs, mind buzzing with white noise. The idea that this boy, that Blaine had never experienced anything like that before, had never had someone else's lips sealed against his, never allowed someone else to map out his mouth with their tongue, never made soft sweet breathy noises into someone else's neck, never grappled with inconvenient autumn layers to get his hands on someone else's skin, made his head spin and a flush of arousal creep into his cheeks. "So I...I was your first?" Blaine nods, looking stubbornly down at his knees, and Kurt tips his chin up to look into his eyes. "Can I be your first everything?"

"You're Rachel's boyfriend," Blaine insists, though Kurt can't help but notice it isn't an outright no. He can see the movement of Blaine's throat as he swallows, his fingers flex against the bedspread. "Kurt, I can't, in good conscience, kiss you or touch you. Not knowing you're hers. She's my twin sister, I love her."

"I love her too," Kurt says, reaching for Blaine's hand and tangling their fingers together, warmth spreading through him as Blaine squeezes his hand gently, not pulling away. "I don't want to hurt her, and I know I should tell her the truth instead of lying to her, but I'm so scared. I'm scared of what might happen to me if I come out." Running his free hand through Blaine's hair, he murmurs, "But I want you. I know something happened between us, and I don't want to lose that. I think I could fall really, really hard for you."

"You make me want to give up," Blaine says, very softly, his eyes bright and a slight smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Kurt leans in and kisses each corner, one hand sliding into Blaine's hair as his lips part and he kisses Kurt back, mouth sweet and inviting and hands pawing uselessly at Kurt's shoulders. As they part, Blaine whispers, "You're so sexy and sweet and confident, and I want you too. But we can't, Kurt. Not while you're still dating Rachel. If she knew about this, it would absolutely crush her."

Right on cue, a knock comes on the door. "Blaine? Dad wants you to come downstairs. And have you seen Kurt?" Smoothing his hair down where Kurt's fingers ran through it, Blaine stands and opens the door for Rachel to step inside, her face lighting up when she sees Kurt there. "Baby, I've been looking for you for ages," she says, leaning over to kiss him softly, the greasy taste of her lipstick replacing that of Blaine's mouth. "I'm so glad you two are getting along, I couldn't face it if the two most important men in my life hated each other."

"We definitely don't hate each other," Blaine says, eyes heavy on Kurt's. "In fact, we've discovered we have a lot in common." There's an obvious meaning to his words that Rachel doesn't get, clapping her hands in delight as Kurt gets to his feet and takes her hand for her to lead him downstairs, sneaking glances back over his shoulder as they walk to find Blaine gazing back.

When dinner is finally over, Kurt can stop wondering whether it's Blaine or Rachel's foot pressed against his ankle when Rachel gets up to take the empty ice-cream bowls into the kitchen and the pressure becomes more insistent, Blaine's face banal even as his socked toes start crawling up Kurt's calf, pushing at the hem of his jeans. Clearing his throat, hoping he isn't blushing, Kurt stands and says, "Thank you for a lovely night, but I need to get home, I have a curfew."

"I should go do some homework anyway," Rachel says, her heels clicking on the tiled floor as she leans on the frame of the kitchen door, stretching up to give Kurt a long kiss goodbye. "Text me when you get home safely. Love you."

Kurt can't help but notice how Rachel's fathers' faces light up when he replies, "I love you too," and is grateful when Blaine stands to see him out. They walk out side-by-side, into the night, and Kurt glances up at the drawn curtains of Rachel's room before he grabs Blaine and tugs him around his car, slamming him against the back and kissing him until he can't remember how to breathe, can't remember where his body ends and Blaine's begins, only knowing the way his lips and his hands and his body feel. In this moment, he wants Blaine more than anything, and that's all that matters.

"Kurt, stop," Blaine insists, quiet and breathless, hands locked on Kurt's shoulders and pushing him away, holding him back. Drawing in a long breath, Kurt feels free to let his eyes roam over Blaine's body, straining towards him, the flush in his cheeks and how dark his lashes are as they flutter and he ducks his head beneath Kurt's scrutiny. "I don't get it. What do you want from me?"

"Everything," Kurt whispers, and leans in for another kiss, wrapping his arms around Blaine and sliding him back until the car quakes with their weight, letting Blaine's lips consume him, his body twine around his until they can't separate, it seems impossible. And he knows how much he wants Blaine, the weight of it leaden in his chest, something dangerous and reeling him in, a fish dangling helplessly on a hook as Blaine's fingers curl tentatively at his hips, one leg wrapped around Kurt's.

When Kurt finally releases Blaine, albeit reluctantly, he can't help but notice that Blaine hovers in the driveway to watch him leave, waving at him until he pulls out into the street. Glancing back, Kurt catches a glimpse of Blaine disappearing back into his house, and licks his lips, tasting Blaine there. For a moment, he wishes Blaine was sitting next to him, his hand resting warm on Kurt's thigh and both of them occasionally smiling into each other's eyes, while Kurt takes him home to meet his family. But he tries not to linger on that daydream for too long, for want of not breaking Rachel's heart.

He walks into the kitchen, where his family are obviously lingering over takeout, to see his father sneak a glance at his feet. Lifting a questioning eyebrow, Kurt blushes when his father says, "You're glowing, kiddo. I was just checking you're not floating. Good night?"

"The best," Kurt says truthfully, and he can see both his parents roll their eyes before they turn away and he can bounce up the stairs, dancing along the landed, joyful and uninhibited. Tugging out his phone, he fires off a _Got home safely, night, love you_ text to Rachel before he turns to pictures of Blaine, smiling and stunning, eyes raking greedily over his naked chest.

**To: Blaine  
9:26pm  
Has anyone ever told you how incredibly gorgeous you are?**

**To: Blaine**  
**9:27pm**  
**I mean it, Blaine. You're sexy. I want everything with you.**

**To: Blaine**  
**9:32pm**  
**I want sex. With you.**

**From: Blaine**  
**9:55pm**  
**I want it too**


	3. Three

**Pairing:** Kurt/Blaine, Kurt/Rachel

**Rating:** NC-17/M

**Story Warnings/Kinks/Tropes: **Closeted!Kurt, inexperience, infidelity, angst

**A/N: **Title taken from _Just Can't Get Enough_ - Glee Cast

* * *

Tapping his pencil rhythmically against the page of his textbook, pausing every few minutes to make a quick note in his notebook, Kurt looks up when he hears bedsheets rustling. Gazing over at Rachel wriggling out of her sweater, wearing only the briefest camisole underneath, he contemplates how many boys would wish to be in his position as Rachel flashes a naughty smile at him over her shoulder and lies down on her stomach on his bed, sucking on the end of her pen and flickering occasional come-hither looks up at him.

Nodding at her, Kurt looks back down at his textbook, waiting for the creak of mattress springs and the sound of bare feet on the floor as Rachel's arms curl around his neck, her lips on his skin. "Tempted, baby?" she croons in his ear, running her tongue around the shell. Kurt nudges her off, returning to his studying, only for her to sit down in his lap and kiss him, her tongue sliding against his as he tries to feign interest, sliding his hands up and down her back as she wriggles like a cat against his thighs. "Shall we move this to the bed?" Rachel asks with a sultry smile, standing up and facing Kurt with her body beckoning. Looking at her, with her shoulders bared and her breasts straining against the fabric and her skirt lifted to almost indecent levels by her wriggling around, Kurt knows he should feel something other than apathy towards her body.

Pushing his chair back, he crosses the room and takes Rachel in his arms, kissing her slowly until her nails dig into his scalp and her kisses turn hungry as she pushes him towards the bed, pulling at the buttons of his shirt as he slides his hands down slightly, fingers brushing the waistband of her skirt. This is nothing new. They've made out before and taken clothes off in front of each other and touched and rolled around in bed. This hasn't changed.

But things change as Rachel slides her hands up beneath Kurt's shirts, palms soft and warm as she slowly maps out his chest, touch gentle and searching. She slides his shirt off, pressing her breasts against his chest, and sits up with promise in her eyes as he slides his hands up her back to her shoulders, stroking his fingers gently through her hair. "Wait," she whispers, and pulls her camisole up over her head as Kurt watches, laying his hands on her waist as she smiles at him, now clad in only a short skirt and a black lace bra, positioning her hands either side of his head as she leans down over him. "Hey baby," she whispers, and kisses him, taking his hands and bringing them to her breasts, tossing her head back and moaning when he squeezes the warm, firm flesh.

As Rachel's hands move down to his thighs, Kurt starts to tense up with nerves, fighting off the urge to buck her off and excuse himself to freak out in private. He doesn't want this, he doesn't want to have sex with Rachel, not with any girl, the only person he really thinks of like that is Blaine, and that's not an option, he can't hurt Rachel. Her fingers close around the crease of his thigh, dangerously close to his disinterested dick, and he slaps her hand away, trying not to let out a slightly hysterical, high-pitched laugh at her wide, shocked eyes as she pulls away. "What was that for?" she asks with a wounded look, rolling off Kurt and perching cross-legged on the bed, folding her arms indignantly. "Can't I touch you?"

"I'm not ready, Rach," Kurt says gently, reassuringly, hoping the excuse will hold firm for another night. "I want to be sure of this before we even think about going down that road. I mean, you're beautiful, but I don't want to take advantage of you."

"Kurt, for God's sake, I want sex more than you seem to!" Rachel shouts, furiously yanking her camisole back on, defiantly covering herself with her sweater for good measure. "I can't stop thinking about it. We've been dating for a year and not once have you ever asked for anything more than a kiss. I can barely even get you to touch my breasts. Don't you want to?"

Swallowing the acidic taste of lying, Kurt says, "I do, babe, I really do. But I want to respect us and what this relationship means to us. It isn't just about sex, and I don't want to kill our friendship either. So we'll just wait, and we'll make it a romantic night instead of some cheap hour snatched in an empty house. We can get a hotel room and champagne and candles and make a playlist."

Rachel seems to perk up at that idea, and leans over to kiss Kurt again. "You're so good to me," she purrs. "I bet you'll exceed my wildest expectations when we finally do this." Kurt just nods, kissing her cheek with a smile and pulling her into his lap as he reaches over to continue highlighting passages in his textbook, smiling with honest love as she snuggles into his shoulder and drapes her arms over him. If only things could be simple and he could want her the way he wants Blaine.

* * *

**To: Blaine  
2:05pm  
I want to see you. Is there a way?**

**From: Blaine**  
**2:10pm**  
**Come meet me at Dalton? Leave straight after school, you can tell Rachel we're trying to bond as future brothers-in-law.**

**To: Blaine**  
**2:13pm**  
**I don't feel brotherly towards you**

**From: Blaine**  
**2:15pm**  
**And I don't feel brotherly towards you. I'll see you around five?**

**To: Blaine**  
**2:17pm**  
**Perfect, I'll be there**

It doesn't take much for Kurt to convince Rachel he's simply hanging out with Blaine as friends. Her eyes light up at the prospect of her boyfriend and her brother trying to be friends, and her face is so full of trust it makes Kurt falter, makes him wonder whether they should just dedicate tonight to being friends, studying together and blasting music and watching TV and not sneaking glances at each other's mouths every few seconds. Driving to Dalton, Kurt convinces himself it would be a far better idea, that the kisses can fall at the wayside, a one time thing, and he can turn back to Rachel and just be Blaine's friend. Maybe someday, but not now, and not for years to come, not until he's sure Rachel won't be upset, but maybe he can be with Blaine.

By the time Kurt reaches Dalton, he's already composed a speech that will hopefully let Blaine down gently, maybe even give him a little ego boost, and climbs out of his car fully prepared to find Blaine and say it sincerely and firmly, make it clear that they need to stop before someone gets hurt. But Blaine is already waiting for him on the stone steps, bobbing eagerly on the balls of his feet, bright and grinning and ready, running across the parking lot to hug Kurt, turning his face into the crook of his neck. Clutching Blaine tightly, inhaling his scent and telling himself he has to tell him to stop this, Kurt can't help the gasp that escapes him as he feels Blaine tongue on his neck, hot and damp. "Inside," he murmurs, and Blaine grins and grabs his hand, tugging him inside after him.

Blaine leads him through the school, corridor after corridor and several spiralling staircases, until he opens a door and pulls Kurt into his room, eyes bright with promise. "No roommate?" Kurt asks nervously, eyes darting around, resting for a long moment on the neatly made bed.

"Perks of an emergency transfer halfway through the semester," Blaine explains softly, shucking off his blazer and hanging it on the back of the door. Tilting his chin up, he takes Kurt's hands and guides them to the knot of his tie, his eyes watching closely as Kurt pulls the material from around his neck with shaking hands, mouth dry and swallowing thickly as his eyes meet Blaine's, so much heat between their gazes that it seems to scald him. "_Kurt_," Blaine breathes, and something inside Kurt just breaks, all his barriers shattered by that sweet whisper, the flutter of Blaine's eyelashes and the quick flash of his tongue darting out to wet his lips.

They breathe into their kiss, harsh and hot and abrupt, Blaine's fingers digging into Kurt's wrists, slowly sliding up his arms to cup the back of his head, pulling him closer, mouths mashing messily together. Sliding his hands down Blaine's back, over his thin shirt, feeling the heat of his skin through the cotton, Kurt's knees buckle slightly when Blaine breathes, "Take it off," in a way that's half a moan. Pushing the material from Blaine's shoulders, he kicks the shirt away from them, eager hands scrambling to feel every inch of newly-bared skin. Blaine's fingers reach the buttons on Kurt's shirt, and he pulls away, a question written across his face, and all Kurt can do is nod his permission.

"God, you are _beautiful_," Blaine murmurs when their shirts are lying on the floor, curled like cats around each other. Kurt blushes, the pink stain going down his neck and chest, and Blaine's warm fingertips trace the edges, brushing against Kurt's nipples and making him gasp. "How far is too far?" Blaine asks softly, and Kurt can't help but feel a surge of affection for him, for the way he asks and never pushes and never expects anything beyond what Kurt offers him.

"Maybe...maybe your hand," he suggests hesitantly, and sees the colour flood into Blaine's face, the way his eyes go dark and possessive and wanting. "Not all the way, not yet. It should be special. We should...we should be each other's firsts."

"I want that," Blaine says, grin bright and eager, nodding over and over until Kurt rolls his eyes and kisses him, arms winding around his slender waist, fingers massaging down his back, thumbing at the waistband of his uniform slacks. Blaine groans into Kurt's mouth, his lips parting and his tongue against Kurt's own, exploring every little whorl of teeth, hips bumping against Kurt's and backing him towards the bed. The backs of Kurt's knees hit the wooden frame and he flings out a hand to steady his fall, still kissing Blaine as he clambers into Kurt's lap, strong thighs bracketing his hips.

When they finally part for air, they're both breathing unsteadily, flushed and shaking and sweaty, smiling bashfully and ducking their heads away when their eyes meet. "Lie down," Blaine says softly, and Kurt's heart pounds almost painfully, Blaine dark-eyed and wanting and sexy above him, his hands either side of Kurt's head and his weight on Kurt, heavy and hot and masculine. Blaine reaches for the button on Kurt's jeans, waiting for him to nod before he pops them open and edges them down, placing a gentle kiss to Kurt's thigh as he goes that has a moan slipping from Kurt's lips before he can bite it back.

Neither of them says a word as Blaine undresses too, both of them only in their underwear as Blaine puts all his weight on Kurt, arms wrapped under his shoulders and hands pulling his head closer, kissing and kissing until the need for air in overwhelming, breaking away only to rub against each other and peck soft kisses against faces and necks until the tension snaps and they find their way back to each other's mouths, back to the soft give and take of their tongues in each other's mouths, back to Kurt's hands on Blaine's chest, fingertips moving through the scattering of wiry dark hair. Blaine turns out to be a talker, murmuring praise and wishes and soft expletives every time Kurt's fingers pass over this spot low on his ribs, his swearing growing louder when Kurt does it again and again, until he can feel Blaine hard against the inside of his thigh.

"Touch me," Kurt breathes into the heady air between them, and Blaine's eyes go wide, his breath still warm against Kurt's lips when he breaks away, the taste of his mouth lingering. "Blaine, please. Touch me, make me come, and kiss me goodnight."

And Blaine bites, teeth on Kurt's shoulder, and there's going to be a mark and Kurt can't help but moan, nails digging pale crescents into the tanned length of Blaine's back, slipping on the sweat already glistening on his skin. His hand slides downwards, over Kurt's chest and stomach, and he tucks four fingers inside the waistband of Kurt's briefs. "Are you su- _Kurt_ oh my_God_!" Tired of waiting, after waiting so long to feel this, another man with him, touching him, Kurt grabs Blaine's wrist and shoves his hand down, pushing his hips greedily up into the rough touch of Blaine's palm.

"Oh God - _yes_," he hisses out as Blaine's hand circles him, moving slowly up and down his shaft, finding a rhythm. "Are you su-sure you haven't done this before?"

He can't help the small cry that he lets out as Blaine's other hand slides inside his briefs too, stroking his balls and exploring further, thumb massaging his perineum and sending heat shooting up his spine, simmering in his belly. "Blaine, Blaine, baby, too fast, wanna savour it."

Opening his arms, Kurt smiles as Blaine leans down to kiss him, his hand still on Kurt's cock, moving faster, trying to urge Kurt to a spectacular finish. "Baby, it's not a race," Kurt observes with a giggle that goes up into a gasp as Blaine kisses down his chest, the flat of his tongue on his nipple.

"Can you blame me for wanting all of you?" Blaine asks, chin on Kurt's chest and a content smile on his face. "Now stop talking and let me make you come. Unless you want to scream my name, of course."

"Oh shut up," Kurt snaps fondly, and slumps against the bed when Blaine returns his full attentions to leaving hickies on Kurt's chest. "Come on, here's a challenge. You've got ten minutes, and then I have to head home. Either make me come or I'll be doing myself at home tonight. And you won't get pictures." Blaine raises an eyebrow, and leans down, all his attention on making the heat in Kurt's belly boil, the sparks shoot up his spine and his jaw slacken around a cry of Blaine's name as he comes, soaking Blaine's hands and the front of his briefs.

"Four minutes," Blaine says triumphantly. "I win." Rolling his eyes, Kurt bats pathetically at Blaine's side until he moves and helps Kurt sit up in all his loose-limbed post-orgasmic state, bringing the pile of his clothes over. "You said you had to leave," he says softly. "So I don't mind if you don't return the favour. But I want you to know I'll be thinking about you." He kisses Kurt, so soft and sweet, and adds, "I'm always thinking about you."

Stripping off his ruined underwear, Kurt dresses quickly and texts his father to let him know he's on his way home. "Thank you," he says, quiet and genuine. "That was amazing." Blaine beams up at him, ridiculous and bright and mostly-naked, the bulge of his dick obvious, and Kurt ghosts a hand over it as he leans down to kiss Blaine goodbye, swallowing his whine. "I'll call you," he says, and Blaine nods, eyes half-lidded with lazy lust and lips swollen from kissing.

It's only as Kurt's walking out of the school that he realises he doesn't feel a single twinge of guilt twanging at his heart strings. Only warmth and peace and contentment, creeping through his veins and making the flush stay in his cheeks despite the cold of the winter night, as he climbs into his car and spares one last glance up at the school. From here, he can't tell which room is Blaine's, doesn't even know if you can see his window from the parking lot, but he likes to imagine he can. He wants to think Blaine can feel him looking, might play up his writhing and moaning for him, hair messy and eyes dark and nipples hard under his own thumbs.

Blaine, thinking of him in the sheets where Kurt came with someone else for the first time. Blaine, his first. Blaine, the one he can feel this irrevocable pull towards. Blaine, the boy he's risking everything for.


End file.
